Saturday, January 16, 2010

The Forbidden Door


They caught me.
I did it.
I went through the Forbidden Door.
More than once.
But they were a little late in giving me my punishment.
A good friend of mine had over heard the R.A.’s talking about my rebellious act. The next day, she saw me go through it, yet again, on my way to class and she warned me of what was sure to come. I never used it again. They fined me a month later.

Two nights ago I made my way over to my favorite staffs house to talk to the dean about my ridiculous fine. I was a little nervous. I was greeted by my favorite teacher who welcomed me warmly and invited me in. I know this is silly, but he looks like Santa Clause, and he is my perfect description of a father. He always seems jolly and as I stepped through the door it was hard to feel intimidated. We went to the kitchen were we met his wife and made small talk. I wondered if they were wondering yet why I came. I finally came out with it and explained my side of the story to the fine. The head dean listened to me carefully and fully agreed with me, this fine was ridiculous. She told me not to worry about it and I felt a huge wave of relief flood over me. I could relax. It was over. After that we made ourselves comfortable on the couch and watched some news about the earthquake in Haiti. During commercials we talked and joked about my improvement in gymnastics, my talk for Student Week of Prayer, my shirt fundraiser for my trip to Alaska, and things like that. It was amazing, and I can’t totally put into words why. It felt like home. I was so nervous about coming because I didn’t want to talk about how I had disobeyed, and probably disappointed them. But after it was discussed it was forgotten, and forgiven. I felt warmly welcomed, accepted, and like family.
I left with a certain joy that can’t be explained. Not only was I excited that I didn’t have to pay my fine but I was excited about this new found friendship. As I ran back to the dorm I thanked God for this incredible blessing in my life. I scrambled as fast as I could up the stairs to tell the good news to my friends. Breathless I told them what had happened. I went to bed that night with a lightweight heart.

As I think back on this story now, I notice something. It’s familiar. Yes it only happened a couple days ago, but what I mean is, it’s a reoccurring theme in my life. I screw up. I disappoint. I disobey. I make mistakes. But there’s good news! No matter how many times I walk through that Forbidden Door, I’m forgiven. Somehow, no matter how big my sin is, His grace is bigger. I walk up to the dreaded house with a heavy heart, ashamed and afraid. But I leave with a new heart, an indescribable joy, and a determination to walk past the Forbidden Door tomorrow.

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