was the title of my sermon for student week of prayer last Thursday night. I was SO unprepared, but God is good. Everything just kind of came out, all that God wanted me to say. The whole week I had been practicing “Tis So Sweet” on the guitar to sing after my talk. My plan was to make up my own verses to add to the song, but once again, my plans changed. I sat in the music building Tuesday afternoon practicing and trying to get inspired. Then I heard God’s voice. He said, “Try it now.” I had been thinking about writing a song since the day I got asked to speak, but I was waiting to get inspired. I never got that feeling. But God said, “Go, try now.” I sat down and wrote a song in 5 minutes. I just wrote… it just came. Usually when I write a song I do it one line at a time with music which makes it take quite a while. Because it took me such a short time I felt like it was insufficient. There wasn’t as much effort put into it. I was terrified to play it for anyone but I made myself. That night I went to practice in the chapel with Cayla, who was speaking the same night. I told her to be brutally honest, she said she loved it. Dean T came in to pray with us and I played it for her as well. She had tears in her eyes when I ended, and in that moment I knew I had to play it.
When I gave my sermon and sang my song that Thursday night there was no feeling. I was nervous before I went up because my talk was unprepared and my song needed more practice. But when I stood up there, no exhilaration, adrenaline, nervousness, excitement, spiritual high, nothing I had expected. I guess you could say I was at peace. When I walked off the stage still nothing. No joy that it’s over or that I had reached out and touched peoples lives. Nothing. The whole night was spent feeling nothing. I walked through the halls of the dorm and heard girls singing my song. You would think I would be thrilled. Nothing. I was kind of disappointed. I had been expecting and waiting for theses feelings. Nothing. Maybe the calmness and peace was the only thing felt because I had FINALLY let myself go.
Written -February 7, 2010