Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Dry Skin

Slowly but surely my outer layer is coming off… I’ve decided to dig deep. I want to find out what I’m all about. Who I really am. I want to see myself through another pair of eyes. If I could do that, what would I find? What would I change about myself? But digging deeper, I want to go beyond what others see. What’s my substance? What holds up this fragile, frail self? I’m not talking skin and bones, I’m talking deep, in my core. No one knows what’s there, and that’s what I’m trying to understand.
I’m changing my perspective on the world before my perspective changes me.
I’ve been pondering a lot of questions lately, trying to figure out exactly who this Karalee Rhuman really is. What’s behind the make-up, smile, good grades and dig deeper. Peal off that dry flakey skin and get underneath. I have a feeling that what I’ll find will be less artificial beauty and a whole lot prettier. I want fresh, clean, clear, beautiful new skin. I want to love the skin I’m in. First, I ask myself questions:
What’s the core of my being? What does it say about my character?
What SHOULD the core of my being be?
What has shaped me to be the way I am today?
What influences do I need to get rid of? What influences have benefited me?
Who has been a spiritual leader in my life?
Who can I tell anything and everything to? How have they affected me?
What relationships need more time? How can I contribute to making that reality?
Are my priorities set in the right order?

I’ve had a drastic perspective change on the world. Hear are the beginnings of my new ideas:
Possessions- Are they really that important?
God- Not just a friendship, he’s deeper and more intimate, he’s a lover.
Family- They accept and love you for exactly what and who you are- no strings attached. They support.
Friends- Having popular friends has no benefit to you if they aren’t true friends. Friends listen. They support and care. They’re there for you no matter the circumstances. Friendship is the most important thing in life.
Teachers- Don’t just teach you classes, they can teach you valuable life lessons. Watch them closely and learn from their character, stories, and actions.
Strangers- Don’t judge. “Weird” looking people could be your best friend if you gave them a chance.
School- I don’t do school because it’s forced upon me, I’ve decided I want to do it because it’s preparing me for the future. It makes my life worth living. It keeps me occupied (sometimes I feel too busy), but with that comes more lessons and adventures to tell.
Home- Is no longer a little bit dreaded. It’s safe. It’s relaxing. It’s love. It’s home.
Church- Friends and Fellowship are good, but, I want to be so wrapped up in my passionate, intimate relationship with Jesus, that all my thoughts are focused on Him. It’s a date!
Time- I know time flies, it’s important that I know how to spend my time wisely. I have to set my priorities straight.
Sins-Lessons learned, not to be repeated.
Exercise- To benefit my health, keep me happy and stress-free, not to look good.
Food- I eat in order to survive, not for taste.
Health- Not that I’ll live longer if I take care of myself, but I’ll just be happier today!
Jobs- Jobs aren’t all about the money, they teach you so many life lessons, and they give you new experiences.
Clothes- Fashion is good. When I dress up, I feel better about myself, and it puts me in a better mood. I don’t keep up with fashion to impress everyone else.
Sports- I don’t do them because they’re expected of me, I do them because I love them, right?
Grades- Important because it’s the outcome of trying my best- not to gain recognition or a sense of worth.
Dating- I’m wiping my slate clean, getting rid of all my ideas and bias opinions. I know nothing about it.

I’m getting past the reputation I’ve set for myself as having everything under control and figured out. That’s what others think, but I know the truth. These thoughts are just the beginning of having things figured out. They’re getting me started. They need to be tested. I have so much more in life to experience to help me learn about myself and the world. As of now, the dry skin has come off, I’m starting new.
Written 2/21/10

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