Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Count the Cars


Yesterday I went biking around with my brother for some exercise. We went across to the train tracks to check out the graffiti on the trains. While I was biking around I saw an old man sitting on the concrete railing waiting for a train to go by. It reminded me of getting stopped for trains and watching my grandpa count the cars. I remember when I was little I would never forget to count the cars while I sat in the car waiting for the train to pass. I haven’t done that in years! It seems like I just don’t have time… even though I have nothing to do for those brief 2-3 minutes while sitting in the car. When I have to wait for a train these days, I usually grow impatient and stare at the clock calculating how much I have to speed in order to get where I’m going on time.

I turn 17 in 13 days. Not super young, not super old. The age that usually has no time for trains. But I’ve decided the youthfulness of a kid and the wisdom of a grandpa sound like good traits to have at any age. I think by observing this act we can benefit by taking time out of a busy day to enjoy the train and count the cars.

So today on my way to work, ironically enough, I got stopped by a train. There were 14 cars.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Oh What a Day

Oh what a day is today
Nothing can stand in my way
Now that you've shipped out from under my skin
I think I'm ready to win

Oh what a night is tonight
I think I'm ready to fight
Now that my broken bones all have been healed
I think I'm starting to feel

Something good
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good

Oh what a way that we died
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

Something good
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good

Oh you know I moved away
From the other side of the door
I don't have to wait anymore for you to come home
Something good
Now that you're gone I can roll on to something good
Something good

Written by Ingrid Michaelson

Thursday, June 24, 2010

You Are Your Very Own

I wonder if you can decide who you are. Is personality just something you're born with, or born into?

People say expierences shape who you are. Which I believe is true, you reveal a bit of yourself in your reaction to situations. But lets say I wanted to be known as being adventurous and brave when really I'd rather stay in the comfort zone of my room snuggled up to a good book. But I wanted to be adventurous. If expierences shape who you are could you plan adventurous activites to do and pretend to like them until the day it took you to truley like them (if that day ever came)? If you could do that, then anyone really, with enough determination, can become who they want to be, right?
Or do you have a choice? If God had you in mind before you were created did He give you your own querky personality?--unchangeable because everyones different.
Or maybe the family you're born into molded you. They are in fact the people who brought you life (with an exception of God), and they taught you everything first. They've given you your first life lessons.
Where do you come from? Who decides who you are?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Shake'n Up

Today I experienced what it feels like to be out on my own. Really, out on my own. I’ve only been to the movie theaters twice without adults. Seriously, I’m a sheltered child. The first time was when I turned 14, the second time this year on a gymnastics tour. Today I drove with my brother into town for the first time with my license to meet up with some friends. It was all fine and dandy at first, cranked up the GOOD tunes that I can never listen to when I’m in the car with my parents and sang along load enough to embarrass my brother in the passenger seat. We made a quick stop to pick up my proof of insurance and then we headed down to Tubbs Hill. I had a really good time catching up with an old friend, but I could only stay for an hour. I hopped in my car to find that it wouldn’t start. So there I am stuck. Without a cell phone. No car, motor starting education. Stuck. So I ran up to see if Courtney had left yet and she was just pulling out of her parking spot but I ran her down and used her cell phone to call good ol’ dad. He would know exactly what to do. I held the gas to the floor and got it started. Phew! That was close. I gave the phone back to Courtney and headed out. As we waited in line to get out of the parking lot my car suddenly died. I freaked out. I heard my brother remind me to pray. I prayed a small prayer in my head as I tried starting it again. It started no problem. Thank you God. I started on my way home freaking out at every stop light thinking it was going to die again. I turned the radio station to the traditional Positive Life Radio and sang along to praise songs thanking God that He started my car.
I sat there pondering the way my relationship has gone with Him these past months. Funny how the first time I thought of him was when I prayed right before my written test this morning, and the second time when I needed to start my car for the second time. What has happened? It use to never be this way. What are my priorities in life? Really.

Independence Day


I went to the DMV this morning at around 8:00... no two hour wait that early! I passed both the driving test and the written test with flying colors. I have been studying for these tests for weeks, and I was scared out of my wits to take them and screw up. I really shouldn’t have stressed, it’s all common sense and habit. One things for sure, my skills tester was right, no matter how long you spend getting ready for your picture, doing your hair, and dressing up nice, it doesn’t matter, somehow everyone always turns out looking like a criminal getting their mug shots… might as well hold up a sign with numbers. Now I’m sitting here, excited to get out on the road alone and have the power to go wherever I want. I would be out on the road this very instant if I wasn’t waiting for my insurance lady to finish her lunch break, answer her phone messages, call us back and set up my insurance. I’m excited to get out there, but then again, very fearful. So much responsibility comes with this new found independence. Am I ready?
I’m scared to get out on the road with my little black Honda accord which is so old it has no airbags, and I just recently found out, no ABS. So pretty much when winter hits there’s me on the road heading back to school skidding on ice with locked up breaks which end up getting me in an accident and because I don’t have airbags, I die. POOF! Just like that. So maybe there’s a lot more responsibility that comes along with this new accomplishment than I would like. The world and I grow older and there’s no stopping the loads of responsibility adding up. Don’t get me wrong, growing up is great. Experiencing new things is one of the best things in life, but sometimes I miss those days running around in the sprinkler in the backyard with no clothes on.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Choosing

by Alli Rogers

I guess I need to choose
But today I am confused and losing ground
Is this part of some plan?
The rise and fall of man?
I can’t be sure

When I’m away from my source of peace
Something fills that space in me
And it feels like I don’t need you

It’s easy to get by
When I don’t even try to find the truth
Today I learned that faith
Is not to be obtained like a place I can go

It’s more of a choice than a feeling
More of a wound than healing
The act of believing in you

And I guess I need to choose
But today I am confused
And losing ground

But maybe this is where I grow
When I admit that I don’t know
When belief becomes the only way to you

Friday, June 18, 2010

Intentions


You only physically die once. When you die, you’re gone, but the world continues on.

Sometimes I wonder how is it for those grieving over a loved one. Maybe a relative or a friend. Does their world seem to come to a screeching halt? Does it crumble altogether? Is all sense of hope lost? Are the pieces unfixable because some are missing? When does life become “normal” again? I thank God that I don’t have an answer to these questions.

I’m here today, and others aren’t, or are on the verge of death. How can I comfort the families of these people here and now at UCA with all my limited resources?

Pastor Fred’s mom is dying.

Yesterday Cassie and I went over and mowed his lawn. To the faculty living across the street, and the people walking along we looked like good, kind, caring people, helping out a friend in need. I wish my motives were that good.

Free labor in the dorm always has a due date.
Written 5/21/10

Crayons


In Kindergarten crayons held endless possibilites. They could create whatever pictures my imagination had in mind. I was free to express my creativity without limits. The colors on the page seemed to construct a figure and come alive. Each character drawn had a life full of mystery and wonder.

Where are the crayons that hold these enchanting promises of adventure today?

Sometimes the only way to recreate the energy of excitement we once knew is to become a kid again, pick up a crayon, and expierence the endless possibilities.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Slowly Drifting

How foolish I was. I was so tired I just collapsed in the boat and fell into a deep sleep. Little did I know that the waves were slowly tugging me out to sea. The thunder roared and the wind began to pick up speed. The waves began to grow, splashing into the boat bringing me to a sudden jolt. I awoke disgruntled and confused. I sat up in the boat to observe the scene. Nothing in sight but the tumbling of the waves in the sea. How long had I been sleeping? days? weeks? months?
Fortunately there was a way out. I found a paddle at the end of the boat that I hadn’t noticed before, that seemed to magically appear. I picked it up, and not knowing where I was headed began to paddle.
6/2/10

Tribute to Graduating Seniors


You’re graduating… congratulations. You’ve made it. Thank you for teaching us what not to do and what to do, how to act, and how not to act. We can improve the leadership at the school because of you.
Some of you have made me and my friends cry. Some of you have made me want to puke. Some of you have made me feel sorry for you. Some of you have chewed me out. Some of you have talked bad about me behind my back. Some of you have made me envy you. Some of you have envied me. Some of you have never talked to me. Some of you make me angry with your attitude. Some of you annoy me with your “senior authority” over everyone else in the school, and your bossy attitude.
Some of you have inspired me. Some of you have been there to listen to my stories, complaints, and problems. Some of you pray for and with me. Some of you have been a shoulder to cry on. Some of you have been a spiritual inspiration. Some of you give such great advice! Some of you have been great friends. Some of you know my deepest secrets. Some of you make my day brighter with your smile. Some of you make me want to be a better person.
Thank you to all of you. You have taught me more than you know.
5/30/10

I thank God for all my difficulties and struggles. I trust that even in the deadliest storm, He’ll quiet the waves and bring sunshine.
5/30/10

Lies... Right Under my Nose.

It pays to be observant. But then again, being oblivious has it’s advantages too. Sometimes I’m glad I don’t notice things. Like when I walk past a group of people and smile, but as soon as we pass them my paranoid friend is sure they just gave us “the evil eye.” But of course I thought they were all being nice.
Maybe it’s perspective.
But then again, when you don’t notice the lies being told to you by your best friends, there’s something wrong.
Maybe I need knew best friends?
Maybe a new perspective?
Or maybe they were just trying to protect me. They were just looking out for me because they love me.
No perspective change is necessary.
Because life is bittersweet.
5/28/10
“Karalee,
You are so pretty and you are so happy all the time. You are hilarious and you are very confident in who you are. Have a great day!”

…If only they knew the truth.
My heart stings a little bit with every breath I take.
5/28/10

Lines in Your Hands


I can still remember the little house out in the backyard my siblings and I use to play in. We would go to see the “fortune teller” who would read the lines in our palm and tell us our future. I remember sitting in the little house with a pretend crystal ball. My sister across me holding my palm in her hand, squinting at the lines caused by grabbing, bending, and the everyday normal tasks a hand fulfills in a day, as she tried to make out what was going to happen to me tomorrow.
And now I’m sitting here looking at my open hand, wondering, concentrating, questioning the paths engraved in my hand. If this is where I am now, and this is where I’ve been, where is the line to show where I will go? The directions aren’t very clear. I’m lost in my own hand! So many lines! All different directions! Which one do I choose? Where will it lead?
Fortune Teller, if you’re out there, drop by, stay awhile. Let’s talk.

I read, I write, I pray
But God you're still so far away

Come out from your hiding place
I want to see your face.

I’ve been knocking on the door
I’m tired of crying on the floor.

Reveal yourself to me
This my earnest plea

Before I turn and run away
Come out to see me today.
5/17/10