Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Spark







Seniors Survival was not at all like I expected. It was a lot of time spent sitting on a log listening to the prophecies of Revelation. We learned how to survive in the wilderness. It was bonding in groups of A, B, or C, but not so much as a whole, as a class. People kept saying how they never expected it to happen the way it did. It was so much better and the presence of God was all around them. I remember one kid clearly saying how he had never imagined it to be this way, he thought it was going to be like a pathfinder outing, not nearly as powerful as it was for him. I absolutely LOVE hearing those words come from his mouth, it was probably one of my big highlights from the trip, but really. Why couldn't my experience be the same? I felt hardly any connection to God at all. Like the wires to heaven had been cut off. I thought that would be impossible with people seeing and feeling God left and right. And there I am, in the middle of the crowd with nothing. Empty. How can you be in the presence of God and not feel it or know it, but catch glimpses into the lives of others where God dwells. When is it my turn? I want it desperately, but it's just not there. We learned what wild plants we could eat, we learned about first aid, we built forts, and fires. My group won the contest on who could build the fastest fire, I've had lots of practice in that area. Where's the fire I was suppose to bring back to campus? I only have a few days left to get a clear answer. I feel rushed, I need an answer now. I'm so desperate, if only for a spark.

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