Sunday, October 31, 2010

Do I Hear an Encore?

Today Choiraliers went and sang at the "big church" downtown Spokane. I think it's a Methodist church? Afterwards, we went to Taco Bell for lunch. Someone asked us if we were a group, and we told them we were a choir group, and we'd just performed at a church down the road. He thought that was pretty cool and wanted to hear us sing. So a couple of us rounded the octet up and we sang an acapella song "Let The Heaven Light Shine." It was fabulous. Looking around the room at everyones faces... priceless. The Taco Bell workers cut the soft background music when they heard us singing. Everyone stopped talking, and eating, and doing whatever they were doing and turned to us intently listening. It went really well, and when we were done, everyone in the building started clapping. All 8 of the octet members turned to each other, a little bit pleased, a little bit embarrassed, but wishing we could do it one more time!

Jang Nan or Sah Tang

I JUST got back from an incredible experience. I'm sitting here in my pink princess dress reflecting over the night. Trick or treating on Halloween may not sound like an "incredible experience" but it was. Not because of the activity. I could care less if I got any candy. I don't like most candy... maybe nerds, a crunch bar everyonce in a while, a reeses or a kitkat, but that's about it. I do love the dressing up part, that is pretty fun. This is the second time in my life I've gone trick or treating. I remember once when I was about 5 I dressed up as a clown and went with my sister around the block of our little community. I don't remember very much.

When I called this afternoon to get parent permission for the deans so I could go, I was almost positive they were going to say no. It's Halloween after all, in their book, the WORST night to be driving... and the rules are already so strict on driving as it is... But I thought, what the heck, why not try? At first they said they'd think about it and call me back. When they called me back their answer was no, but somehow I found a way to persuade them. There were a few conditions though, I had to be back by 7:00PM. Which only gave me an hour because we left at 5:15, and it takes about 20 some minutes to drive out there. (Thanks mom and dad for letting me go!)

We went door to door, and it was great fun. My two Korean pals were a kick in the pants. One was dressed up as Mulan and the other a fat (stuffed with pillows) chicken. They went around saying in funny, deep, low voices, Jang Nan or Sah Tang, which is trick or treat in Korean. Cassie was Belle, Alex was Sleeping Beauty, Michael was James Bond, or Prince Charming (whichever you prefer), Heidi was Cruella Devil, Geoff was superman, Jon was a McDonalds worker, and I was Arial (but I got called Cinderella quite often). Everyone said we had the best outfits of the night! The act of going around from house to house wasn't exactly "exciting" like it would've been if we were little kids, but the fact that we were all together doing something we could make fun, just made the night! As I left early, they all said goodbye to me, and as I was driving home, I realized just how much I loved all of them. I started thinking about next year, even though it's a ways away... it really isn't that far away because this quarter flew by! I don't know what I'm going to do without all of them. I hope we can all go to Walla Walla together. I know Geoff lives in Colorado, and his plan as of now is to join the military next year. It breaks my heart, he's one of my best friends, I don't know what I'm going to do without him! But for tonight, for this memory that will last a life time, it was good. It was real good.

Friday, October 29, 2010

I Hate Chile, Chili, Chilly, in Every Way Possible.

I went to bed at 1:45 A.M. this morning. I was planning on waking up at 6 but I woke up and decided it was too early so I changed my alarm to give me an extra 30 minutes. Turned out I was so tired I slept an hour longer and I hadn't set my alarm, I had changed the time, so the time on my alarm clock when I opened my eyes said an hour and 45 minutes behind the original time I had planned to wake up. I jumped out of bed as quick as lightening and ran to my computer to finish my project. Of course, the internet wasn't working. Right then I knew my life was over. I had an hour to finish this project that needed about 5, and the internet wasn't even working. Where was I going to get all my information from? I scrambled looking for note-cards to turn in along with my presentation... nothing. That was it, my life was over. I had no idea what to do with myself. That's when I let the dam break, and the tears flow. I called my mom, she calmed me down and told me to do the best I could with what I had. I got ready for school, deleted my unfinished slides, and trucked over to have a talk with the Spanish teacher. I walked in the door, "I have a serious problem," I said. I hate giving excuses, they sound so bad! So fake! They make me sound lazy, I hate lazy people. I felt like such a hypocrite. "My presentation isn't finished. I went to bed late last night and woke up super early this morning, but the internet hasn't been up all morning, so I couldn't do anymore research. I have most everything, but there's a few slides that never got done. I even tried to work on it over homeleave last week but my computer wouldn't let me log in." It seemed like she didn't buy it because she said, "My internet is working fine here. Do you have time to work on it now?" I don't think she got where I was coming from. "I have class in about 3 minutes. I've been trying to work on it all morning." I repeated. She asked me if I had 20 minutes worth, I said I hadn't timed it but it should hopefully be enough.

After A & P I headed down to Spanish. My presentation was exactly 20 minutes long, but that's about the only good thing about it. A picture is worth a thousand words. One thing I did find in my research of the dreaded Chile country was this picture, that perfectly describes the way I feel after this project.
I will wait for you as long as it takes. There is nothing that pleases Me more than when you, My princess, seek Me. Like a lonely traveler seeking shelter from a storm, come to Me. Take comfort under My roof. Find security within My walls. Let me be your hiding place. That is what I created you for. You were never meant to wander the cold, lonely streets of life alone. So seek Me in the morning, and seek Me throughout the day and into the evening. Pursue Me with all your heart. When you do, you will find more than shelter. You will find a place to lay down your burdens and rest. You will also discover that I have been pursuing you all along.
Your King and your Shelter

(His Princess, Sheri Rose Shepherd)

"The one thing I ask of the LORD --the thing I seek most --is to live in the house of the LORD all the days of my life." Psalm 27:4

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

UCA Bucketlist

I just consumed 1,000 calories in a matter of minutes. That's right. I just finished a whole ice cream from the girls dorm by myself! (That would be the size of the big one up above...) What a difficult task! I thought it would be easy... after about 5 candy bars from before, I found it wasn't as easy as I thought. Right as I thought I would puke it all up I scrapped the side of the bowls down and forced myself to swallow, just so I could say for once in my life I had finished it. Now I feel pregnant as I waddle down the hall to check my girls in. My stomach is sick, a headache has kicked in... The thought of throwing up is very tempting, but I'm scared to force myself to do it. Well... guess I can check this one off my list.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Just let me sulk please

This afternoon I was practicing my amatuer hour song, and I couldn't go as low as I needed to. It irritated me that my voice wasn't cooperating. Elise and I were in the piano room and band got done early. I just had to make it through my song one last time perfectly, but of course, that wasn't possible. Every band member in human history had to bang on the door and walk through the room into the gym onto the stage because taking 10 extra step around the piano room was too difficult. We eventually gave up and went to Choraliers. When we finished I walked to dinner. A few of my friends were walking out of the cafe and gave me a smoothie they'd made me! I was thrilled and about to take it back into the dorm but they said there was really good ravioli I should get since they never serve anything other than the dreaded haystacks. I walked into line sipping my smoothy, looked into the red bowl of sauce and found just that. Sauce. That's all. No ravioli. There was absolutely no more dinner being served, nothing was there. I checked in the back to see if they had more. Nothing. Then I started chewing on my smoothie... I knew something was up. There was tons of little pieces of plastic in my smoothie! Sick! So I gave up trying to pick it out of the tiny slurps I slurped up and threw the full cup away. Even now I'm still picking pieces out of my teeth. I gave up on trying to find anything to eat and walked back to my car parked outside of the dorm to get my pillow from the back seat I had forgotten to grab earlier. I went to a friends room and told them I had to take my car up to park it, they had to also, so we decided we'd go together so we wouldn't have to walk back alone in the dark. I ran upstairs to my room to put away my pillow and when I got back they had drove off in their car already. So I got in my car and drove by myself. They had said they were going to go to the field so I walked up to the field.
The hill going up was muddy from the rain all day. I could feel my favorite floral shoes getting covered in mud. Just as I barely reached the top I tripped and sank into the soft, gooey, dirt. My fabric made shoes were soaked to the brim in mud, my jeans were muddy, and I hoped no one had saw. I got up and walked up to the field. My friends were no where to be found. Finally I decided to take the road back instead of going down the muddy hill again. I was so done with life. Little things like this that keep making my day worse and worse really push me over the edge. Winter, the depressed season of my life has hit. I walked back completely dissapointed in the day. I walked past my friends room, angry and upset over all these little things in my day. Seriously? People couldn't just walk 10 extra feet AROUND my room? Seriously? You can't keep food out for a bit longer for all those people who pay just as much as everyone else but have 1 longer class? Seriously? You left the plastic lid in the smoothie maker? Seriously? You just left without me and then didn't show up to where you said you'd be? Seriously mud? You had to claim me? As I walked back up to my room I thought about my Africa trip. This might sound awful, but it gave me comfort knowing my life really isn't as bad as I make it seem. Those poor African kids I'm going to go see in the Spring. I might never eat dinner because there's not food left over but at least I can eat lunch everyday! I might have ruined muddy shoes, but at least I have something on my feet. I got back to my room and fell on my last resort. Chocolate. And not just any chocolate, Chocolate Apothecary chocolate. Chocolate always makes things better. It's actually proven it gives you endorphins that make you happy. Pigged out on that for a while and then felt guilty because that was my dinner and none of it consisted of fruit or vegetables. To top it all off I tried to get on the internet to write all this out and get it off my chest but of course the stupid internet took 20 years to load. I'm not kidding, it took 20 minutes to get to this page. That's a lifetime!

Someone told me yesterday that all my blogs are negative and reading them makes them depressed. Well, to that I say, yes, a lot of them are negative, I'm not going to lie, but when I'm feeling like this, I'm compelled to write about it. It makes it go away a little bit. It helps me out. Maybe it makes you depressed, so don't read it. Anger, sadness, distress are all such strong emotions, you have to get rid of them somehow.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Appreciating the leftovers

I just got back from spending my homeleave working in the kitchen at Mivoden and I'm exhausted. It's a lot of work, and boring at times, but it's still fun. We prepare all the food, set it out in a neat orderly fashion on both sides of the serving counter and wait for the mad rush to come. You can tell by watching the head cook she's in a whirlwind of worries and ideas as she comes rushing through to make sure everything looks "pretty." "It's all about the pretty," she says. She double checks us to make sure we all have gloves on, our hair is pulled back, and our aprons are presentable. Then she asks us the final question, "Ready? Smile!" It's like a surge of adrenaline rushes through her as she gets excited for us to serve these hungry people and satisfy their needs. It makes me chuckle everytime. Something about it, so showy. It reminds me of my theatre producions. "Ready... action!" And the curtains are pulled back as we scramble to our places preparing to become our character. Apart of me is glad I'm finished with those times, but apart of me really misses them. The good part is, I look back on the many times I've been involved in a not so overly thrilling production and I'm actually glad I did it. I use to regret them, but they've given me so many more experiences and memories to reflect on.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Lipstick Streak

Tonight I saw the most BEAUTIFUL sunset! It started out like fire, bright orange and yellow with pink clouds lining the skyway. After 15 minutes the sun was bright red but the color wasn't seen as just a circle of fire. It was bright as lipstick, forming a streak across the hilly wheatfields of Spangle. And the thought of taking a long walk with a friend and talking about everything important in life, or going for a run and praying sounded very appealing to me. Instead I walked back to the dorm with nothing on my plate, no schedule, no homework, no place I had to be, nothing that had to be done, but many worries. So many confused girls, including me. Life is so incredible, so mysterious and adventurous. Full of exciting possibilities. Like a sunset, each day setting a new atmosphere, unique and special, stormy and clear, long and short, Outstanding.

Rainbows and Rainy Days

Everyone is pooping on my rainbow. When I get excited about something I get REALLY excited about it. When I get frustrated at something or impatient, I get really mad. I love this year, it's crazy fun, but at the same time, it's kind of sketch. So much is going on... I'm not sure I'm ready for all of it!
I hate making decisions.
I hate getting your hopes up for something and then totally having them crushed. I hate telling secrets and before you know it, EVERYONE knows it. Rainy days aren't always my favorite.
I'm singing somewhere over the rainbow tomorrow for amatuer hour auditions... what a song. I love the words. So very true!

When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There's a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pane
Just a step beyond the rain

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Someday I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why can't I

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh, why can't I

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

i can't do this

I'm sitting on my dark hall alone. The faucet to the small bathroom is acting up tonight. It decides randomly now to turn on and drip huge, loud drips, so anyone on the hall, even with their door shut can hear the water scream as it runs down the drain. It's starting to drive me insane. My heart is heavy tonight. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's due to the fact that the Africa list was posted today, and my name IS on it. This means I have a HUGE decision to make. I hate decisions. I love the group of people on that list. It would be an incredible journey, I know it. I'm sure the choiraliers trip to New York to sing in the famous Fisher Hall would be great too. I don't know what to do... but then again, there's a side of me that knows exactly what I need to do, but it's going against everything that I've been told. Who knew that life could take two totally different routes just by a single decision. This one is going to have to be Gods.

Friday, October 8, 2010


It's like a never ending rainy day
It's like an awful movie
It's like a bee sting
It's like a wilting plant suffering from lack of sunshine
It's like gum in your hair
It's like crusty mud stuck on your skin
It's like a zit that keeps coming back
It's like a hot pepper in your mouth
It's like an eyelash growing into your eye
It's like a mosquito bite
It's like the ringing in your ears after a concert
It's like your favorite song ruined by a memory
It's like saying your last goodbye
It's like getting 2 hours of sleep the night before
It's like loosing your favorite pair of shoes
It's like crashing a car
It's like a dog returning to it's throw up
It's like an almost lover returning in your dreams
It's like your heart going against your head.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Debate of Freedom

Today I was in a debate, and can I just say I rocked it?!!! I don't know if I'm allowed to say that, but it was SO fun! I was totally unprepared! I had no idea how it was going to go. I had been stressing about it all day, I hadn't even ran through it out loud so I wasn't sure how it was going to turn out, but it went very smoothly. First each team had a member introduce us and explain what we were debating and how we personaly felt about the issue. I was the only person on our team of 4 who was titled pro-choice in this real life issue. The pro-choicers started with their arguments. Then Elise, my partner in crime, went and gave all the statistics and facts about abortion. Then the Pro-choicers said another argument. And then it was my turn to debate pro-life.
I started with how Hillary Clinton believes that if we physically go in, turn the baby's head so the feet are born first, and the doctors kill the baby before the head comes out it's ok, and not considered murder. BUT, if the baby's head comes out first and THEN they kill the baby, that doctor would be sent to prison for murder. Anyone with a conscience is disgusted by this and KNOWS it's wrong. At 2 weeks the "fetus" can move alone. At 4 weeks the babe has limbs, muscle tissue, and a heart with a heartbeat. By the 5th week ears, eyes, and small hands are visible. The child responds to touch by the 6th or 7th week. The baby sometimes tries to take a breath when removed from the mother after 8 weeks. And finally at 12 weeks the child will struggle for life for 2 or 3 hours after being removed from the mother. Now tell me this "fetus" isn't alive.
In reference to pregnant women, the term "with child" occurs 26 times in the Bible. The term "with fetus" never occurs once. In Luke 1:36-41 Elizabeth conceived a son and the "babe" leaped in her womb. The Bible does not say that a "fetus" leaped in her womb. It says the "babe" LEAPED. This is the exact same word the Bible uses to describe Christ in the manger AFTER he is born (Luke 2:12,16). A newborn babe and an unborn babe are the same!
Jeremiah 1:5 "Before I made you in your mother's womb, I chose you. Before you were born, I set you apart for a special work. I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." God can use that child for His work! He planned that child's life!
Psalms: 22:9 "You had my mother give birth to me. You made me trust you while I was just a baby."
Exodus 21: 22-23 "Suppose two men are fighting and hit a pregnant woman, causeing the baby to come out. If there is no further injury, the man who caused the accident must pay money- whatever amount the woman's husband says and the court allows. But if there is further injury, then the punishment that must be paid is LIFE FOR LIFE." Murdering a baby in the womb is equal to murdering ANY life.
Then I went and sat back down on my teams side. The pro-choicers had one last chance to win it, and they went up and said their final remarks. The oponent said "God is the judge" multiple times. So, I agreed, yes God is the judge.
I went back up to put our last 2 cents in and ended the debate with this:
Romans 9:19-24 "God is sovereign. He has ultimate authority over life and death. In life or in death, we are the Lord's." As the oponent said before, yes, God is the judge. God has the authority to give life, He should be the only one with the ability to take it away.
When we finished everyone told me how impressed they were. I got compliments like, "You should be on a debate team." "You were so agressive." "I really like the "babe" fact, I never really thought about that." "You got up there and slapped them around." Of course I just laughed at all of them. The thing I find funny is, I'm pro-choice but my arguments where so "agressive." Like I was for real trying to prove my point. And I was, I think killing a baby is murder, and it is wrong. But besides the fact that if we took it away, mothers would find dangerous ways to kill the baby and end up hurting themselves in the process, I don't think we should take away the CHOICE that American people are given. This is a personal belief that the bill of rights holds firmly in place. We can't take it away for fear we lose our own freedom. What would America become?

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

This morning in A&P class we watched a movie about the emotional side of an adult's brain. The person behind me was hacking up a storm. I could feel the sickness floating through the air onto the back of my curly hair. I held my breath, and tried not to breathe in, but it's almost impossible to hold it for the continuous amount of time she was coughing. Big, deep, sickining coughs... like the kind where you almost throw up. I knew I was going to get sick. And with Amateur Hour just around the corner, and choraliers tour where I sing my solo's in octet next weekend, I really can't afford it. I remember thinking "I'M GOING TO DIE!" Really, I just wanted to get out of that place! Later in the day I actually started feeling a sore throat. Sheesh! I was not a happy camper! Please, if you're sick in class, cough DOWN into your SLEEVE. Please wash your hands more often than normal, and don't stay up late partying.

Early Morning 50's Hair

I woke up at 7:25 to help a girl with her hair this morning because she had to make it look 50's for her 20th presentation. She was suppose to be at work by 8:00 but of course she was late to my room and arrived at 7:55. It took me 10 minutes to pin her mass of curls up to the back of her head. And now it's 8:08. I don't have class until 9:39... I don't want to go back to sleep because I probably will just end up laying in bed wide awake, I've been up for almost an hour already. Don't get me wrong I'm pretty sleepy, but I'm not sure going back to bed would solve the probelm. I feel like I do a lot of little extra things on the side that I'm never recognized for. I mean come on, I woke up more than an hour earlier than I need too, just for 10 minutes. I hope it was worth it. Man, I hope she works that updo.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

the way it REALLY is...

I'm SO tired. And COLD. And TIRED... And grumpy! Sheesh! "Karalee!... Karalee! Karalee!" I just have this urge to turn to all of them and say in my biggest, loudest, most intimadating voice, "WHAT?!!!!" But of course I put that urge to rest and turn around gracefully with a small smile on my face and say, in the kindest voice I can muster, "yes?"

Wow. interupption from a girl on my hall at this very moment. How ironic.

I'm so tired of listening to girls complain about there life, or tell pointless stories to me, or say useless comments, and ask for help with homework. I feel like an awful person confessing all of this. I mean, it's my job to be there for these girls. ALL OF THEM! Even the R.A.'s! We're a team, we're suppose to help each other out and be there for support. But I'm just SO tired! Tired of the girls on my hall (don't get me wrong I love them all to death), tired of the freshman, tired of the R.A's, tired of the late night meetings, the dissapointments, frustrations, jealous looks in choiraliers, EVERYTHING that school is bringing! SO TIRED!

There's this little freshman girl that's getting on my nerves to the point that I'm not sure if I can take it anymore. Thank God I'm not Freshman R.A.! One random day at the beginning of the school year when I didn't even know her name, she was sweeping the cafe. She looked up at me and said, "Hi Karalee" and awkwardly gave me a hug... I haven't been able to get rid of her since. I know this sounds awful, but you don't understand. EVERYTIME I see her, or even if I don't see her, she just pops up from behind me and slides her hands around my waste in an embrace. EHHH! I'm not a touchy person. Hugs are a privelage in my book. I don't just hand them out. So getting a hug from her at LEAST 10 times a day is a bit of a stretch. I only hug my closest friends when I leave for homeleave! Sheesh!

I need a revival. Somewhere within needs to come a renewed strength. I need a break. This weekend is coming and I'm suppose to stay here and work, but I'm not sure I can make it that long!

I just pray somehow, sometime soon, God works his magic. And I mean FAST!

Friday, October 1, 2010


How can life be so good and so lame at the same time!? It's like we were meant for something more. But we'll never reach our full potential. Life is so unfair. If God is fair and just why does he sit back and watch us be. I don't understand. I don't know if I ever really will. I'm so tired of this. I hate lifes cycles. Striving and dissapointment. Well, isn't that just peachy.