Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Reacurring Theme


It happened again to me today. I was left alone.
Last night for the worship on my hall we made our own name tags. Snowmen actually. The girls were busy working away as I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off getting more glue sticks, crayons, paper, pencils, scissors, you name it. Finally, when I felt we had enough supplies, I sat down and began building my own decoration. I sat there and cut, and colored, and glued pieces together diligently. When I was finished with my creation I looked up and around me. No one. The hall was desserted. My only companions were the pens, pencils, scraps of paper and opened glue sticks rolling around in a mesh looking like an explosion had gone off. I laughed at myself for just now noticing that I was alone. I must have really been concentrating!
It happened to me again today.
This time in the cafe at lunch about 45 minutes ago. It started out as a full table. We finished eating and half the table left. I was visitng with a few friends at the end of the table. I got distracted by someone sitting a few tables down, we were making funny faces at each other. I ducked under the table for a split second, popped back up, and poof! Gone. I was alone again at this huge table by myself. I looked around and laughed again. As I got up to leave someone walked by and laughed at me. "Don't you hate it when that happens?" He said. "Yeah! It seems to be happening a lot to me lately."
I'd like to think of myself as a caring, compassionate person, who really wants to get out of my comfort zone just to notice people. To help people, and contribute to a friendly atmosphere. But maybe I'm too blind to the things around me. Too preoccupied with helping myself, that I'm oblivious to the fact that I'm alone.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Oh the Season!

The butterfly feeling in the pit of your stomach. It tickles a little bit, in an odd way. It's actually not good for you. That anxious, nervous, excited feeling that we all love, to an extent, is actually bad for your health. I've been having this feeling on and off but most of the time for the last couple days now. Like something exciting is going to happen, not in a few months, or a few weeks or days, but now, at the present. Nothing ever does of course, but it's funny the way it happens. I get all giddy and excited for no reason, and I start acting goofy. Randomly, throughout my day. Or during the whole day. For NO REASON. Silly, I know. Maybe it's Christmas. This season does weird things you know. What a refreshing thought. It turns even the Scrouges and Grinches jolly.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

An Adventure For The Day

It was Sunday today, but bummer for me I had school. I walked into A&P and saw the unexpected, yet somewhat expected note taped to my desk. It read:
For Karalee
I flipped it over and read it. It was the beginning of my treasure hunt, the first clue was "on Jon Macks chest." Ha! So I turned to Jon to get it from him. Yep, sure enough, under his shirt. What a weirdo. I sat in class trying to focus on our test review but I didn't catch a word. I was trying my hardest to pay attention! I felt like a little kid again. I had a strong urge to run out of the classroom and go find the next note, but I held myself in check and waited until the teacher let us go. Luckily, we got out of class about 30 minutes early and the next clue was inside the juice machine in the cafe. Heidi and Alex tagged along as we walked through the snow to the cafe. I wanted to run, but instead acted as though it was no big deal. In fact, I already knew who this "secret" person was, no need to rush right? I opened the juice machine with ease and read that the next clue was at the fountain. I decided there was no point in hiding my excitement, and instead of walking lazily to our destination, I ran more than excited! I arrived breathless, and found the next note completely in Spanish. Words we haven't covered yet in Spanish 2. I took this clue to the library and looked up the meaning on google translater. The next note would be under my Spanish desk, I couldn't wait 15 more minutes for my Spanish class to start! It was awful! Finally the bell rang and spanish began. My next clue would be in the music building. I sat through Spanish with as much patience as I could muster, trying to concentrate on yet again, another test review. It was one of the longest classes of the year, but when the bell rang, I was up and out of my seat and headed to the piano's in a jiffy. I looked in almost every piano on second floor before I found the last note. It was quite an exciting adventure today. I must admit, my heart was racing even though I knew who was asking me to the banquet. I absolutely loved that feeling. But if I fail all my tests tomorrow, I blame it on River Davis.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

A Verse on my Mirror.


"Keep looking straight ahead, without turning aside. Know where you are headed, and you will stay on solid ground." -Proverbs 4:25-26
The last few days have been a struggle to keep from blogging. I'll think of perfect things to compare my life to, like the continuous deep cough from this week, or my broken phone charger... and now my broken phone. But then I have to stop myself, because it's all so negative. I've been told too many times this week, let alone in this day that I look really sad. I'll be staring off into the distance while I'm standing in the middle of a chatty crowd, and get this look on my face. I'll be reading my home page on facebook, and get the returned troubled look on my face. I'm not sad, I might be consentrating, or thinking about complicated issues, or things I feel need to be my responsibility to worry about, but they aren't.


But last night at our late night R.A. meeting, someone said they see God in me. Tonight on my hall as the girls were complaining about the days leading up to break, I was explaining why I was so excited! They commented on how cheerful I was, and how they just loved how I picked out the "little things" in life that make life good.
This is good, this is very good. This is improvement, slow, but good progress. I hope I continue to portray this sort of outlook on life.

Friday, November 12, 2010

Seeking Treasure

What do you tell an athiest when they ask you why you'd give up so much in life to become a christian? "Being a christian is hard." They say, and I'd have to agree. We discussed this in Bible class the other day and no one had an answer. Every answer had an argument against it. I just don't understand the answer to this question. Finally today I asked Pastor Sid after class, what his answer to this question was.
Of course, he turned the question back on me, "What makes you want or need God in your life?"
I answered with the "no duh" answer, "Well, with God leading your life you will encounter an incredible journey in life, better than you thought was possible, better than the plans for yourself."
He simply replied with, "Yes, that's true. But that's a factual answer. I want something deep. From your, Karalee Rhuman's heart."
I stood there staring at him for a minute... I pondered a bit, I had nothing. There is nothing in my heart, and he could see right through me. I thought I could feel a tear forming in my eye so I quickly replied with, "Well, I guess I'll have to think about that more." And turned towards my desk to pick up my stuff.
He solomnly answered, "When you know the answer to that question, you'll know what to say to the athiest."
I returned to my desk, holding back the tear that wanted to spill and run down my face, picked up my things with a small smile and a little departing laugh like always. I quickly went on my way, running out of the ad building and into the sanctuary of my room. I stared out the window and saw an old man I didn't recognize with a metal detector searching for something on the lawn. He bent down and started digging... nothing, covered the whole back up, and started searching again. Again he thought he'd found something, this time he dug deeper and wider. Nothing. He stood up and went on his way. I stared out the window and let the tears roll freely.

How long do you have to search until you find the Treasure?

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Dwindling


It's like there's this excitement inside, but a deadness at the same time. I'm like the box of donuts hiding downstairs in the little kitchen's cabinets, and the box of veggie links that we eat for breakfast every morning. Slowly diminishing. We had 3 boxes and now we're down to 1. It's only been 3 days. A box a day. There's 12 donuts in a box, where do they all go? 3 or 4 of us eat them for breakfast every morning, and then maybe we snatch bits and peices like little sneaky mice throughout the day for a snack... Why does my life at the moment seem to be a great comparison to an unhealthy box of donuts slowly becoming non-existant? I would much rather be compared to a blossoming flower in the Spring, slowly, but surely bringing beauty to the planet. Prospering in more ways than one rather than degenerating in quantity and quality. Guess I'll have to wait till Spring.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

In The Bushes


So, tonight I "accidentally" shoved Elise into the bushes as her, Emily, and I were walking to the dorm from Choraliers. It was pretty funny, I must admit. She lost her shoe in the mass of bushes. It almost looked like it hurt and I felt kind of bad because I didn't mean to push her over that hard so she'd actually FALL and lose her balance. I helped her up and gave her a hug as I was laughing my head off and I leaned over with my phone to bring light on the bushes so I could dig around in the brush to find her shoe. As I bent over she shoved me in. BAM! I fell into the bush and lost my shoe too. I looked up at her as I sat laughing in the middle of the big bush and said, "Hey, aren't you suppose to do unto others as you would..." I stopped and realized what I was about to say didn't make much sense because I did technically start this whole fiasco. Elise just smiled down at me and said with a laugh, "EXACTLY!" A group of silly boys were near the powerhouse watching and laughing at us. As soon as I scrambled out of the bush they ran over and were about to pummel us all into the bush but Elise and I got away, Emily on the other hand wasn't so lucky and down she fell. We stood there laughing for a bit. The boys were still running around trying to be sneaky enough to push us in, but we found Elises shoe and ran to the dorm to go to dinner.
This story may be pointless, except for the fact that it totally made my day. Maybe you just had to be there... And another thing, every time I pass that bush that now has a permanent whole in the center, I'll think of this silly incident, and it'll bring a small smile to my face, a brightness to my day, and a little bounce to my step.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Over The River


Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush,
Hush, Hush, Hush, Hush

I heard a sound come from the ground
All of the trees are a buzz
Talking in tongues, talking with lungs
Talking of freedom

All of the earth is soon to give birth
Look at the mountains alive
Birds and the bees, insects and leaves
All of us longing, longing for home
Home, home is somewhere I’ve never known

Over the river
Over the river
I’ve set my hope
Over the river
Over the river
I’ll find my hope in You, You

Death, where is your sting?
Your signet ring?
Where is your power?
Why all this war?
Death to the score
Nations are fading

Kingdom of light, setting us right
Finally human
Give me a tongue
It will be done
Inside I’m longing, longing for love
Love, love is something I’ve never known

Over the river
Over the river
I’ll find my hope
Over the river
Over the river
I’ll find my hope in You

Hush, Hush, Hush

-Jon Foreman

Thursday, November 4, 2010

A Numbing Disease

I have a disease. It's been with me my entire life, but recently in the last 8 months it's desire to spread is becoming a reality. It's taking over my body, my soul, and my very existance of life. I have a numbness to the world. The tingly and jingly feeling when your arm or leg falls asleep is spread throughout my entire body now because I never stopped it when it had just begun. The obstacles of life are shouting at me everyday, but I face them numbly. Unaware, oblivious of my surroundings, or maybe I just don't care. So numb to feeling anything. It's like a conversation that you're not really involved in. You just stand there and listen. No one even acknowledges your presence. You forget you're actually a person standing there, you think you've become the wall. I guess it's my fault. I should have done something sooner, when I could have fixed the problem. It's like deaths door is just around the corner, and I can't stop myself from running 100 mph. I don't know if I can slow down, and even if I could, could I turn around? Is there still hope? Is there still a reason to hope?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

a broken friendship lost in greed.

It was just a freakin' pony tail. So why does it feel so much worse? She keeps coming and taking more and more... and I never see her again.
I asked for the never been used before her, pony tail back... and she gave it back. Stretched out and ruined.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Who Says?

I woke up at 12:30 this nice Monday afternoon. That's the longest I've ever slept in here at school. It feels weird... almost like I'm going against a rule that says you need to wake up to have a real day. Maybe that's why I like it so much. I woke up at 11 rolled over and looked at the clock and thought, I should get up... but then I reevaluated the situation. Who says I have to get up? I'm not at home, my mother isn't going to walk into my room and turn on the light telling me to wake up, my brother won't run in and pounce on me, or get his dog to, my friends are busy doing their HOPE project and won't knock to come visit, sure I have homework, but who says it can't wait? So, I layed there, rolled back around, and slept for another hour and a half. It was great, when I woke up again for the final time, I contemplated going back to sleep but then rethought it through. I probably wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I kept sleeping the day away. So now I'm enjoying the afternoon sipping coffee and writing Africa letters. It feels so good to be your own boss.