Monday, December 6, 2010

Amy

She told me she could never forgive her mother. She hated her.
I asked her, "But what about what Jesus says in the Bible about forgiving others 70x7?"
"I don't care." She'd say.
"But Jesus forgives us everyday for the sins we commit, and in His book commiting murder is just as bad as the "little" sins we do without realizing it everyday."
"I don't care. I hate her. You don't understand what she did to me. She ruined my life."
"Jesus says we're suppose to follow His example..."
She told me how it all started. How her grandma got her mom to start smoking pot. How her mom was cheating on her dad. How her mom's boyfriend actually killed a pregnant woman and her baby by kicking her in the stomach, and he spent 8 months in prison afterwards. Not long enough. She told me about her mom beating her dad and how she had to try to protect him. She said her mom and her mom's boyfriend were following her and trying to kidnap her. She didn't know what they were going to do to her but she couldn't sleep, and even now she is haunted by nightmares about them finding her and killing her father, the only one who has ever really loved her. And without him, she belongs to no one, both her and her sister are orphans. She told me about all the renewed restraining orders. She said she almost had to go live with her mom but one of her best friends, Eric from a foster home got everyone in the school, teachers, principal and all to sign a petition to let her stay with her dad. That's the only reason she is where she is today. She said her mom only pretended to love her now so she could get money from child support. She said she'd accepted her mom on facebook, because deep down inside, she really does still love her and she misses her. She said her dad told her to block her, but she didn't want to. I told her she needed to block her for her own safety, and she said she would, which made me feel better inside. She said she was angry at God, and she'd been told that "everything happens for a reason." But she can't understand what God's reason behind ruining her life is. She said she was angry with him for a long time, and she stopped going to church. But she thinks maybe one of his reasons is for her to realize what kind of mom she NEEDS to be to her children instead of the way it was for her. She said she wanted to go out and make a difference in the world. Start organizations for kids that have to live through the same thing she had to. She said she was going to adopt a bunch of kids when she got older and make a good life for them. She has dreams of living on a mountain, with a boat and a farm, with lots of munchkins running around and a happy husband. She's scared she won't ever find a husband, but I know she'll be cautious. She has a good sense of judgement and a good head on her shoulders, she'll be fine.
She had a confession to make, "Remember all those times you came into my room and saw me crying? And I told you I had a stubbed toe?"
"Yes." I replied.
"I lied to you. I didn't have a stubbed toe. I was crying because I was looking at pictures of my mom on facebook in her 'new life' without all of us. It made me sad."
"Oh Amy!... Will you forgive her if she ever changes?"
"She always says she's changed. She says she's been to classes and she's got counseling and help, and she wants to take us back. But she really doesn't care about us. She told that to my face. She hates me. As much as I wish she'd love me, she never will... I don't know."
"Amy, I hope you can forgive her."
"I know."

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