Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Way I am

I just happened to notice last years yearbook placed on my window sill this evening as I was closing my curtains for the night. I picked it up and read through my notes. There was one in particular that caught my eye. It read:
So basically you are the nicest person I have ever met. Seriously. I think you have the best personality of the student body! I'm so glad you came to UCA, you really add so much to our class... Karalee, never NEVER change. You are so kind to everyone, and that is so valuable. You will get far in life if you are slow to anger and speak kindly like you do now. Next year is going to be a blast, I can't wait!..."

It's my favorite note in my yearbook, because it's one of the niceset things someone's ever said to me. But I look at it, and read it, and I can't help feeling guilty. It doesn't help that I really look up to, and have a lot of respect for the person who wrote it. I feel like an awful person. Like they're totally blind to reality and I have no idea how I fooled them. I'm not the angel they think I am. I'm human too. I'm scared to spend more time with them now out of fear they really get to know me. What did I do to make them believe this? The more time I spend with them, the more flaws they'll discover. It's weird because they've seen me at my most vulnerable, and yet I wonder if that had anything to do with the way they view me. They're so nice, and we get along well, I want to be closer friends, but I'm so frightened. We're in the real world, no one is this perfect. Please, please still like me. Take me the way I am.

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