Wednesday, December 21, 2011


I got a haircut on Tuesday and the lady saw my Harmony for Humanity t-shirt and told me to look up "Playing for Change." So, today, I did.
This is their purpose:
Playing for Change is a multimedia movement created to inspire, connect, and bring peace to the world through music. The idea for this project arose from a common belief that music has the power to break down boundaries and overcome distances between people. No matter whether people come from different geographic, political, economic, spiritual or ideological backgrounds, music has the universal power to transcend and unite us as one human race. And with this truth firmly fixed in our minds, we set out to share it with the world.
I want someone to inspire me. I have friends that inspire me to get fit, some inspire me to do crazy things, others can make music sound like heaven, and I leave their presence in awe at the beauty of their talent, wishing I could be even a fraction as good as they are. But recently I got to know a friend who inspires me to live culturally, adventurously, courageously, and ultimately fully. He inspires me to be smart and to have that extra desire to learn all I can about the world. He makes me strive to be the best I can ultimately be. Every time I finish talking with him, I feel like I can do anything! Climb to Mount Everest and soar to the bottom, run across the states, travel anywhere and everywhere, fly as high as I want, sing to my hearts content! His demeanor speaks to me saying, "Who can stop you?!"

Friday, December 16, 2011

Feelin' Festive!

It feels great having a WHOLE 5 hours to myself. No one knows where I am. No one cares. I feel so free. So, I went downtown Walla Walla. Main Street has Christmas lights everywhere! There's trees along both sides of the streets all lit up and cheery. Beautiful. I was thinking about Starbucks, but then I remembered this small coffee shop around the corner that I've been wanting to try, and decided to be a bit more adventurous. I walked in and was greeted with a sign that read the days special, "Elfin Good Latte." But I decided to be some-what safe and go with "White Christmas", a blend of white chocolate mocha with peppermint and a shot of espresso. It was perfect. I sat myself down at a small table next to the window, the Christmas lights hanging off the veranda's roof and on the trees across the street glistening at me. I got out my paper and pen and began my 5 page letter to one of my best friends. It was great. Someone leaving actually commented on how diligently I was working on SOMETHING and wished me the best of luck. Ha! I had my concentrated face on I guess, 'cause I was writing like a mad man, trying to write all I could before I forgot all that I wanted to say. Shoot, it feels good to have it all written down and out of my system.
I left feeling accomplished, but not ready for the fun to end. So I walked down the brightly lit streets, down a few blocks, and back, and then again, until I came upon a book store. I probably spent a good hour inside. I looked at traveling books and read and saw pictures of Eygpt. Man I want to get out of here and travel. The need to travel is a mysterious force, a desire to go runs through me equally with an intense desire to stay at home. An equal and opposite thermodynamic principle. When I travel, I think of home and what it means. At home I'm dreaming of catching trains at night in the gray light of Old Europe, or pushing open shutters to see Florence awaken. The balance just slightly tips in the direction of the airport. I eventually gave up the idea of looking at cookbooks, that would keep me there ALL NIGHT and I went outside to have the cold night air take my breath away. I walked along the street again, reminding me of a race track, but I figured if anyone thought I was weird it was their problem, besides, it was good exercise, I reasoned.
Finally the chill reached my bones and I decided it was a good time to head back. Somehow I managed to find a new route back to College Place without getting too horribly lost. I was heading in the right direction the entire time, and I was smart with my turns, that's a plus! It shows great improvment! I think I actually found a faster way to get there, if I can only remember it for next time! I dropped my letter off at the post office feeling so... merry, and headed home. It was a great night. Is it weird that hanging out with myself is so fun? I've never really done something like this before, make a date with myself, but I'll have to do it more often. And at the end of the night, I am eternally grateful for the abundance that is mine.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Losing Grip

Why is it that even the small things in life are hard to let go of?
Some trelationships go unattended while others are just forgotten. But some are lost out of selfishness and greed. Some out of a delibrate choice, and others out of pure sacrifice and love. Distance seperates many, but with each relatinoship lost, you gain so much more time to make and improve others. You learn valuable lessons from each. Never regret a lost relationship. It's shaping your character, giving you the traits to eventually grip firmly to the relationship that matters most.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Sunday, December 11, 2011


I look around me and all I find are outstanding people. I have wonderful best friends! One can play the piano like no ones business, one can sing and write songs better than anyone on the radio, one can get a 100% in her Chemistry class for the quarter, one can paint and actually make money for it, one is SO on fire for God, one is so determined and in shape, one wrote a book and got it published, one can swim probably a million miles, one can do any type of watersport you name, one competes in ski competitions everywhere, one travels and knows SO MUCH about the world, one plays basketball with everything she's got...
But what about me? I want to be outstanding too. I want to have one solid quality that really stands out! I get pretty good grades, I sing for things occasionally, I use to do musicals and plays all the time, I know HOW to play piano, I try to paint, I like wakeboarding and surfing, I sew, I bake and cook (some things better than others), I LOVE to travel, English is my favorite class, I got MVP award for my basketball team last year, but that's on the small spectrum of things. Putting all this stuff on a line graph would be pretty boring. I'm not really better at anything, it's all just pretty average. I want to be the best at something at Walla Walla Universtiy, or in the northwest, or in the whole United States, or even in the WORLD! I want to be GREAT!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Sister Lovin'

It's getting close. Only about a week more, and then after Christmas break I'll come back to an empty house. I'm a little nervous, a little scared, a bit worried, and excited some. It's going to be different the next 3 months, that's for sure. Good? Hopefully. Lonely? Probably sometimes. Harder in some ways, easier in others. I'm not looking forward to those lonely moments, but I've got a back-up plan all figured out. Thankfully the dorms aren't that far away. I keep reassuring myself, "I'll be fine." 'Cause it's true, I will. I'll be fine.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Cairo, Egypt

I remember learning all about the horrible slavery in Egypt, seeing the pictures of great big pyramids, and memorizing all the names of the emperors in the land, back in 6th grade. The mummification process was always the worst, absolutely disgusting! Brains out the nose!?! SICK! But even still, it sort of intrigues me. Those HUGE masterpieces of art. All the work and energy put into them! I wonder what it would've been to live back then? It's always been a topic of interest and I've ALWAYS had a secret dream to visit.
Friday I went to the Student Missions office to find out a little more about this idea of traveling to Egypt next year. Turns out they were closed, but they did give me a name of one girl who had gone two years ago as a student missionary. I went to the dorm to track her down and spent a good portion of my afternoon discussing it. She gave me a LOT of information. She told me you see camels and donkeys walking everywhere, all the time! How cool is that?! The only thing I found sort of dissapointing is the fact that the school we'd teach at is on the outskirts of Cairo, pretty dang close to the city, and there's constantly TONS of cars going through the campus. Not only that, the air is FULL of smog, all the time! And sometimes, it even seems hard to breath.
The place I have in my mind is desolate, far away from any other existing colony of people besides those on campus. The fact that they'd send me to a huge city was a dissapointment. It didn't totally rule Egypt out for me, but it did open my eyes to new possibilities. I'm excited to see what happens.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011


THIS IS YOUR LIFE. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don't like something, change it. If you don't like your job, quit. If you don't have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, STOP; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you LOVE. Stop over analyzing, LIFE IS SIMPLE. All emotions are beatiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. TRAVEL OFTEN. Some opportunities only come once, seize them. Getting lost will help you find yourself. LIFE is about the people you meet, and the things you create with them so GO OUT AND START CREATING. LIVE YOUR DREAM, AND WEAR YOUR PASSION.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Venture into Adventure!

Cracking down on the November bucketlist!

Sunday, November 27, 2011


So here's the deal. I have two completely different options. Say a frappacino and a smoothie (made with ice cream so it's not really that much healthier) are right in front of me and I can take whichever one I want, but only one. Here's the problem: everyone knows I LOVE frappacinos, it's a given, it's already out there, I just do, and if you know me, you know that. BUT, secretly I'm beginning to like smoothies a lot more too, but no one knows it. I'm afriad to choose because what if I pick the smoothie? It'll seem random and no one will understand... but I really do love frappacinos... they're sort of the same yet COMPLETELY different! I wish I could hit PAUSE, push both of them aside, look at the menu, and wait for the seasons special. Is that so horrible?

The Little Things

This is what I spent 8 hrs STRAIGHT editing on Wednesday... It was a great day!

Friday, November 25, 2011

I use to paint all the time when I was little. I used up all the watercolors my mom would give to me to make a huge smeared mesh of them all, but it was beautiful to me. And the murky water I'd wash my brushes in, was a blast to watch the colors change each time I dipped my brush in for a rinse. I'd make cards for people, or paint pictures for mommy and daddy. One of them was of the house my dad built for us in Brighton, Colorado and he actually has it framed now, hanging on a wall in his bedroom. I'm not sure why I stopped. When did I become too old or too cool or too busy to paint? Not sure. But today I totally relived those days, and boy it was fun!
This was my painting abode today. All set up with everything I could need.

This was our tree hunting this morning.
I always seem to get the honor of sawing the tree until it falls. Woohoo!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Fam

My mom walked into the kitchen this evening and asked us all what we were doing. It was at that moment that I realized just how ridiculous my family is.
At 7:00 PM tonight:
My dad was upstairs snoozing in front of the TV.
My brother was carrying chips around the kitchen being a bothersome as all little brothers are, with his ipod ear pieces stuck in his ears-doing his own thing, which none of us really ever know what that is...
My mom was pouring herself another cup of "Island Vacation" exotic African tea.
My sister was peeling and blending potatoes and honey for some fancy hair treatment concoction.
And I was baking pumpkin bread (only the best thing on the planet) for a friend.
All the while "Hurts Like Heaven" from Coldplays new CD played in the background.
I totally laughed out loud for a solid 5 minutes about this. This picture is SO typical. It completely and so perfectly describes my family. Basically, we're all weirdos.
My dad always seems to be "power napping".
My brother is always eating and "beats to his own drum" if you know what I mean.
My mom drinks tea ALL DAY! She has about 25 new flavors since I last inspected the pantry. And she just recently informed me that she has about 25 more flavors that she just ordered, on the way.
My sister is always trying something new and crazy to improve herself.
And I love baking and listening to good music.
Yup. This is the fam.

Monday, November 21, 2011


Each morning I wake,
I keep my minds thought-garden
Completely free of self-doubt-weeds.

Friday, November 18, 2011


Something about EVERYTHING

I'm not quite sure how to describe it, or how to get my excitment across, but there's just something about EVERYTHING that makes life so joyful. I look back on my week and all the things I've accomplished, every quiz I failed... (I mean passed with an exceptional percentage, right?), every class I went to, every assignment I finished... or "read", ever picture I took, every filming experience, every social outing, is such a HUGE I'm talking HUGE blessing. I am SO THANKFUL FOR LIFE! I'm moving, and breathing, and absorbing, and dancing, and singing, and playing, and loving and embracing everything I can in life. I look at people who dread work everyday. They coming home after work, watch TV, and then go to bed hating the thought of waking up in the morning and repeating it all again. I know what that feels like! But if I've learned one thing while living here in Walla Walla, it's to grasp life so tightly, and gratefully and passionately live each day with vigor and excitment. Rather than waste life wishing and wanting, envelop my thoughts in the blessings that each day brings.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011


This morning I put on some jeans I haven't worn in a couple months. I put my hand in my front pocket to smooth it out and completely unexpectedly found something in my hand when I pulled it back out. You KNOW it's going to be a good day when you find 20 bucks in your pocket, that you never knew you had. YES!

Monday, November 14, 2011

On My Tip Toes

My sister was telling me this morning about the Sara Groves concert she went to last night. Tyler and Jenny opened and she fell in love with them, telling me they were "so cute!" and that they "really got into it, and stood on their tip toes, and nodded to the beat like this, and closed their eyes, and felt the passion." I thought about that picture and wondered what it must feel like to be so completely involved in your passion that people can sense a warmth of life radiating from inside of you.
Today in ICantori we did quartets up in front for the rest of the group. Sometimes I feel like the worst one out of the entire group. I feel insignificant, insecure, sort of like I'm not suppose to be there. Sometimes I wonder what Dr. Scott was thinking when he wrote my name on that final list for ICantori. And after I screwed up pretty bad in front of all those people, I decided I needed to stop thinking and start feeling. See, I think too much about what other people think. What they hear when they listen to me and how that affects their opinion of the person they assume I am. But really, I don't want to care! I want to sing because it brings ME joy! Because it's a passion! Because I love it! Because I feel alive when I do! Because it's in the moments when no one is watching, when I don't care who hears, when I put all my energy and heart into it, that I'm really living. And by golly it feels good! So tomorrow I'm going to stand on my tip toes, and nod to the beat, and close my eyes, and radiate passion.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Mother Teresa

My Smile is a great cloak that hides a multitude of pains.

I am told God lives in me--and yet the reality of darkness and coldness and emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul.

I want God with all the power of my soul--and yet between us there is terrible serpation.

Heaven from every side is closed.

I feel just that terrible pain of loss, of God not wanting me, of God not being God, of God not really existing.

-Mother Teresa

"Loss of the divine presence was the ultimate sacrifice that emptied her soul but mysteriously energized her mission."

Thursday, November 10, 2011


I AM SO THANKFUL FOR SCHOOL! It may be hard to stay awake sometimes because the lectures are so boring and the voice is so lulling... but when I REALLY think about it, it's true! I AM SO LUCKY!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

250 B. SE 9th St.


Friday, November 4, 2011

Soul-Bearing Restoration

Today in my music class we talked about opera. I love operas. I'm sure my 4th grade experience, performing with the Colordao Opera has something to do with it. The opera we listened to today in class was in Italian, so the teacher translated it as we were listening, and it was like a big story put into beautiful music, and I had to imagine the actors on stage performing. Although almost every other kid in the class was about to fall asleep, I laid my chin in my hands, completely evoked in the story, and I let my mind collect creative images of all the possibilities that could lay ahead.
I almost feel insecure in my differences with the rest of the population on campus. Like loving something so different like operas is viewed as "strange" and maybe it is. It probably is. But I really like it. I want to be cultured. I want to live IN things, with more experiences in life than those that just sit back and watch it happen. I'm starting to realize just how different I am from other people. And slowly, I'm coming to realize that I absolutely love these differences. These sometimes bizarre impulses I act on. I can't wait to fully embrace who I am, who I'm becoming.
I love the stage. It's a secret not many know. And I have to admit, sometimes I literally crave it. If I had to pin-point a passion, that might just be it. Last week, I walked past a door, open just enough for me to notice the piano sitting in the middle of a stage, and just enough to lure me into wishing I could skip all my classes and follow this desire to live so deeply.
That craving never really left, all week this week. It's like there's this lurking temptation in the back of my mind that can never be put on hold. So, last night I decided I just needed to check. I walked to the doors in the back of the music building labeled "STAGE" and pulled on the handle. It jerked toward me a little, but I had to REALLY pull to get in, and I wondered if the door had actually been locked and I'd broken in... literally, broke the door. But I didn't think about it much, 'cause you only live once right? So I sat, and I played, and I sang to my hearts contempt. And then I had someone come and play FOR ME, because that's essential to satisfying the enticement of music. And although it might have been silly - the music sounded so good, and so peaceful with it's wooing gentleness, I wondered if it could be a peace of heaven on earth - I went and laid down dead-center of the stage, almost underneath the piano. It sounded better down there. It felt better too. Like when you breathe in a really deep breath, and then just let it all out. And when I finished hours on end of playing and listening, it was like waking up. Where every muscle in your body is so completely relaxed you don't want to move, but at the same time, you're refreshed and ready to tackle another day, another challenge, another struggle. And that was the best night of the week, because I really needed a revival. It's just enough to pick me up where I'm at, and carry me home.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

The Sun, Wind, and Leaves.

All day today my mind was consumed in the sun, and the wind, and the leaves. It's like these leaves are constantly falling. And not just on campus, EVERYWHERE! I wonder if there will be any left to fall for tomorrow. I felt like I was walking, driving and running on a bed of leaves, like a golden road, or a puzzle with all the pieces connected. It was almost so good you could taste it. Made me think of a buttery, warm biscuit, or a lemon meringue pie (I don't care for lemon, but it sounds like it would be good). They just lay so peacefully entertwined. There life is so easy, grow and become pretty, and once they've bloomed to their full potential, die, and fall. But even when they're dead, they're still gorgeous. They make the world an appealing place to live in.
I ran for about an hour today, which while I was running, didn't feel like that long. My ipod is dead, and my ear phones have gone missing so I've had to run without it the last couple times. It feels weird, sort of like a piece is missing and I've forgotten some citical, important rule while running. But it's nice, because you can hear yourself think. And you hear the wind, and the leaves seem to swarm around you making their own conversation, embracing you in their presence. I find my thoughts bouncing around in my head and never landing, just constantly running, driving me mad. Forcing me to write them down and get them out. Making room for new ideas. I find my thoughts often reminding me of Emily Dickinson. And don't get me wrong, I love Emily Dickinson. She wrote some of my favorite poems. But, I don't think thinking the way she did, can be a good thing. She might have been a bit crazy, and a little depressed. Or maybe she just new more about the world then the rest of us. Maybe I'm going crazy. Sometimes I seriously wonder. I found myself enjoying my walk around the block to cool down so much, that I decided to do it again. And again. The dizzy and confused feeling I got earlier in the day came back, and my eyesight got a little blurry but I just kept going around. Maybe that's my hereditary alzheimer genes kicking in. Maybe I'm dying.Or maybe, I'm just living.Maybe that's what makes the journey better. Sturggles, difficulties you must overcome, all the while enjoying what you've got. The sun, the wind, and the leaves. And so I walked around the block again and again, enjoying the warm sunshine, and the chattering of refreshing wind among the swirling leaves in all its glory.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Goals for November:

-Bake cookies
~Sleep outside
-Wear a solid color all day and see if anyone notices
~Meet 5 new people and end up with their #
-Set someone up on a blind date
~Send letters to UCA
-Take at least 10 pictures in random places
~Rock climb
~Rake leaves
-Feed the ducks at the pond
~Learn to drive stick shift
(Extra, but a MUST)
-Star gaze on the air strip
~Hot tubb
-Climb a grain elevator

****Wake up each morning with a different thankful thought to carry me through the day.

Monday, October 31, 2011

The Peaceful Woman

A peaceful woman seeks wisdom.
She loves to grow, explore, and change.
She remains authentic, yet glows with elegance.
She stops seeking perfection, and takes time to be.
She loves life and lives fully.
She draws you near to her soul.

Sunday, October 30, 2011


Growing apart doesn't change the fact that
for a long time we grew side by side;
our roots will always be tangled.
I'm glad for that.

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Fall Festivity!

I walked past a pile of racked leaves in front of the music building today and secretly I wanted to run and jump in them, but everyone was switching classes and I thought it might be kind of awkward. I would've done it if someone was with me... I hate that hesitancy inside of me. Half of me doesn't care what other people think, and then there's this whole other half that holds me back from really living. It's an on going battle.
I went to Starbucks this morning with a group of friends, and that was a whole other adventure in itself. We had really great conversations though. It just reminded me of how much I love my friends, and how much I love learning more about people.
I made TWO apple pies this afternoon with my grandma. It was SO fun. A nice break inbetween class and work. And tonight for dinner a bunch of relatives in Walla Walla came over to stuff themselves with enchiladas, homemade salsa and guacamole, and my apple pie. Lucky me, my grandma had vanilla ice cream AND caramel sauce! Woohooo!
I went to a corn maze tonight. The stars were SO bright and gorgeous! The air was a little chilly, but not bad at all. Part of the time, these two little boys were in front of us, kind of leading us through. Randomly, one little boy shouted out, "MICHAEL JACKSON." I had to laugh. Here we were in the middle of a "haunted maze" and these little boys were going off on some random tangent. Ha! I don't know why it's so funny to me, but it makes me laugh. I wish I was more random. A bit more spontaneous, "out of the blue!"
Crunchy leaves, hot drink, apple pie, break, family, feast, corn maze, a night under the stars... how much more festive can we get? Guess I can cross 8 off my list. Gotta keep it goin'!

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Ready for Thanksgiving!

I want to make a pie. An apple pie.
With warm caramel drizzled on top to make it look fancy.
I want it hot, with "ice cream a la mode." I want crunchy leaves, and a corn maze. Pumpkin pie and a party.Hot tubb and a hot drink.Pumpkin carving and pumpkin bread.
A blanket and a break.
Falling leaves and a fireplace.
A feast and family.
And just one last night under the brisk, clear, stars
without a blizzard of white encircling me and my house.