As I drove home tonight, I thought about the good and the bad in life. Just this morning I was surfing behind the boat in the summer sun, crouching low to touch the water with my hand as I practiced cutting and weaving on the wave. How heavenly it was, wrapped in the sun and surrounded by friends like family. How good life can be, and how fast it can spin in the opposite direction.
I just don't understand it. How can someone live with themselves. How do they deal with all that guilt? Where is there conscience, that good voice inside telling them that they know better. Everyone has one of those... right? I guess it's like Emily said last week in one of her talks. Everyone has some good in them and some bad. Like the killers in Africa who one minute were after the small orphaned children and the next helping them move their stuff to a different building. I just don't get it.
I'm so oblivious to life. Generally I can only see the good in people. It'll take at least a couple years for me to spot some fault in someone. I notice that more and more as I get older. There's a lot that I don' t know about people. But I choose to know only the best things. I want to know someone's accomplishments, I want them to inspire me, I want to know about all the good they've done in life, I want to be friends. I don't want to hear that they're not perfect, that they struggle with things like I do, that they have problems too. I want them to be stronger, to show me how to get through the rough times without having to experience them, I guess.
Everyone has a rebellious side, right? Maybe some more than others... and I guess that CAN be bad. But this isn't even cosidered rebellious, it's just plain wrong. It's straight up BAD. How can someone be SO bad! Why do some people have more bad in them then others. Why?! How?!
This evening I pulled into the Lake City Jr. Academy parking lot, the school and church I basically grew up at, the supposedly safe place I once called home, to find my sisters car rear door window broken, with glass on the pavement and everything inside disheveled and practically gone. All of her clothes, gone. Her laundry basket with more clothes and miscellaneous items, gone. Her trunk stuffed to the brim with more things including an REI sleeping bag and rock climbing gear, gone. Her ipod hidden in the small pocket between the two front seats, gone. The only things left were a couple dresses and sweatshirts on the ground, a pillow, Emily's books in a box and a few empty envelops left on the ground from the glovebox. I saw all of this as I walked up to the car window and wanted to cry. It's not even my stuff but I couldn't imagine breaking the news to my sister. I had JUST picked my car up from the Hayden church that evening. It could've just as easily been me, and I really wish it would've been. Although I had all my stuff from camp in my car as well, I didn't have nearly as much. I wish they would've taken mine.
Where did they run off to? How could someone not have spotted them sooner?! Aahhhh! This makes me furious. I try to talk myself through it, maybe whoever it was needed these things more than she does... maybe it's for a good cause... maybe it's really going to help someone in serious need... but then I just don't understand and I go back to thinking about how wrong it is and how they never earned any of it like my sister did, she spent so much time working for all of it, it was all her own money, they cheated, and stole. How could you do that to someone? It's not like we can just replace it all in an instant and not have it effect us. We struggle financially too. I wonder, will they sleep tonight? 'cause I'm pretty positive my sister won't. Will they walk around tomorrow feeling guilty, or maybe turn and hide when they hear a police siren. Why didn't the stealer think about these things before they stole? I guess the bad must've outweighed the good, but I sure hope it's not like that in all of us.