Sunday, October 2, 2011

depend

count on, bet on, rely on, build upon, confide in, lean on, trust in, turn to...
i think i've finally found my problem. i hate the word depend. depending involves too much risk. i don't want to count or bet or rely or build or confide or lean or trust or turn to another human being. i'm tired of it and i wish i never had to do it again. if only life were that simple and i could do everything for myself.
except then it really wouldn't be simple at all. i'd be depending on myself and that would be worse off than depending on others. i can't imagine growing a garden and saving food for winter, or teaching myself things you go to school for without any resources. no professors profound thoughts, no internet, no textbooks. just depending on my own ideas and trying to fit the world together. it wouldn't go over well. i'd have no friends, i'd have no job, that would leave me without money, without a house, without clothes, without a garden, without food, without life. so you see, depending is just a part of life. we all do it without realizing just how much we depend on others. and as much as i hate it, i have to get over the dissapointment it brings and look at the good things that outway the bad. that's the only way this life and i are ever going to get along.

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