Thursday, April 19, 2012

Extremist

Today I was called an "extremist" by a close friend. I told her my story of how I cheated four days in a row this week on my vegan diet goal for this month and yesterday I decided to give up and start again in May. So, in honor of giving up, I ate a pint of ice cream at about midnight last night, which was a bad decision because I felt like puking immediatly after. This morning I still felt sick, so I decided to go on a juice diet today, and by 5:00 this evening I had the WORST headache. "Man Karalee, no sugar for 3 month, vegan for a month, a whole PINT of ice cream to end it, and now a juice diet to justify the ice cream. You're the most extreme person I know! Always going ALL THE WAY!" When I think about it, it sort of makes sense.
This girl came and talked for our Psychology class today, and she used the analogy of a faucet. There's a hot handle, and a cold handle, but no inbetween. That's how she is, and in a lot of ways, that's how I seem to be too.
Exercise
Healthful eating
Friends
God
Fun
Homework
Church
School
Work
Clothes
You can take anything really, and in MY life, it's always one extreme or the other, but it just can't be in the middle. No border line. It's strictly YES or NO. HOT or COLD. All for it, or all against it. And trust me, it fluctuates often, in all of these things.
I remember talking to a best friend on the phone a few months ago and telling him about something I just wasn't sure about but I had to make a huge decision on. "I don't know, I'm just right in the middle, hangin' out right on the borderline."
His response to THAT is still with me, and rings in my head clear as crystal every so often. He said, "Oh no Karalee. You've choosen. You've definitely choosen. You've picked your side. Just listen to yourself talk."
Always one extreme or another. Never borderline. Sometimes it may SEEM like it's borderline, and not so obvious, but it totally is. I've always picked a side, even without realizing it. I'm either on fire for it, or completely burnt out and dead with it. One extreme or another. I am an "extremist" even though I struggle with consciously making decisions. Can't figure that one out yet.

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