Sunday, April 29, 2012

Freshman

I'm so busy, in all honesty, most of the time I can't even stand living.
I NEVER get a day to just chill and rejuvenate. On Sabbath I either have to sing in ICantori for church, or teach Sabbath school at the city church, or like this next weekend, go on an SM retreat, which I'm excited for, but it's just another things I HAVE to do, and I never get a break to do my own thing. There's never a full day that I don't have to be somewhere or do something, and if I'm given a few minutes of free time, my friends think I'm mad at them when I don't want to hang out in my hour of free time each week. I'm just so exhausted. I can't do it anymore.
And the stress is building. Today I was suppose to decide where to go SM for next year. I'll be going to talk with Jeanne about it any minute now, and I'm even more torn than I was this morning.
Indonesia was completely out of the picture yesterday, but this morning I found out they want me to come... so does Thailand, and Costa Rica. What do I do?
I was thinking about how all I want right now is to go back to being a freshman at Lake City Jr. Academy. How RELAXING and FUN my life was, and I didn't even realize it! I never even thought about life in the same way as I do now. Life was so EASY.
Go to school.
Laugh and play and hang out.
Come home, no homework or some homework depending on the day.
Go on a run, or play basketball, or "myspace", read a book, jump on the tramp, ride bikes, hike, bake, take any choice of these fun activities.
Eat an already prepared meal for dinner.
Watch some Lifetime or Hallmark channel show or movie.
Go to bed at 8 if I was tired, or at 10 if I wasn't.
Wake up and repeat.
SO STINKIN' EASY.
All I want now is to STOP THE CLOCK. Just STOP living for a little bit. Get re-energized, less stressed, and then press play... maybe even fast forward a bit so I don't have to make this life changing decision. I just need to get out of here. It's too fast. Just get me out.

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